Episode 3

There she is…bein’ all purple and perfect…

August 31, 2026

My life is perfect.

I have the perfect husband, the perfect child, the perfect job, the perfect house and the perfect body.

Perfection is one of those things that many of us long for because we are constantly told by the media that perfection in life exists. And it must because people like me are out here claiming perfection.

If you decide to follow along at home for any amount of time, you will hear me talk about our yard a lot. It’s perfect. Our front and backyards are sources of pride for my husband and me. It is common knowledge amongst our friends and acquaintances that my husband adores his grass. He has a notebook, he knows when it needs to be fertilized, he switches the way the lines go every week so that the grass doesn’t get tired, he can diagnose fungus just by looking at the grass, etc. - it blows my mind. The man loves his grass.

While he is in charge of the grass, I am in charge of the rest of the landscaping. We were fortunate (or stupid) that when we bought this house, a lot of the landscaping was already laid out for us. It was already perfect - it was on us to make sure that we maintained it. Moving plants around, figuring out which plants I want where, figuring out which plants I want to buy and then being in my yard doing all of those things is truly one of the times that I am happiest in my life. We have window boxes on the front of the house that we plant primarily with petunias every year because petunias do the best in the boxes. This spring, we bought the petunias, planted them and low and behold, there’s a purple petunia growing in my window boxes which are full of WHITE petunias. Sometimes last year‘s flowers have volunteer seeds that end up growing the next season. Usually, I pull those out and I put them in a pot, but this one was not a volunteer seed from last year; it was a Siamese twin petunia! At first, I was going to cut the purple part off of the white plant because it was f***ing with my perfection!

As we approach fall, that purple petunia is thriving in my window box with its white cousins. You know why? Because perfection is subjective. I have the perfect husband, the perfect child, the perfect job, the perfect house and the perfect body FOR ME. They might not be perfect for you…shoot, you may not even like them, but they are my definition of perfection. In the end, that’s all that really matters - that the people we love and that the life we live is perfect to us.